My Will or Thy Will?

Every military spouse will tell you there is a point during their spouse's deployment that you realize that they are gone, have been gone, or will be gone for a long time. When this realization occurs differs for each spouse, but none the less it hits you like a ton of bricks. As a self-professed control freak, the fact that my spouse is outside the realm of my control is frustrating. I don't know everything he is doing, and lets be honest, he can't tell me everything either. Today the Lord revealed the only way I am going to get past this.

The past two weeks have been hard. I go out and have fun with friends and enjoy visits from family. I look forward to future trips to visit family and some of the European quilt shows I will be going to. As nice as those distractions are, they don't make my husband's absence change. Last night I was feeling pretty low. I hadn't gotten to talk to my husband in a few days, and my control freakness was starting to control me. It's hard to describe, but when your other half is away you truly don't feel whole. I received a phone call from my husband which greatly lifted my spirits, but something was still amiss. This morning my answer came.

Our Chaplain chose James 4:1-5 as his focus this morning. The title of that section is "Submit Yourselves to God." To say that control freaks have trouble submitting is an understatement. The verses read;

" What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? ²You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. ³When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

⁴You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?"

My thoughts ran "What are my desires? Have I been asking of the Lord with wrong motives? Wait...Have I been asking the Lord at all?" I used to consider myself a person that did o.k. trying to pray without ceasing. I realized that recently I have been sending quick short prayers to God, mainly focused on asking for something, but rarely desiring His will. 1 John 5:14 says, " This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us." In any good relationship constant communication is a necessity to keep the relationship strong. In recent weeks my communication with God had been lackluster at best.

As the communication decreased, I felt more and more out of control. You see, the truth of the matter is that I was never really in control in the first place, but I used to daily relinquish my control to the Lord. Without this daily relinquishment, I was leaving that control in my own hands, hands literally not strong enough to carry the weight of my own life. Even to a control freak like me, the act of letting someone else take control is seriously freeing.

To receive this freedom I only must, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." James 4:10

God's Grace

How often do we think on God's grace? Grace is the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

Today at PWOC's summer bible study we started a study focused on God's grace. It was especially interesting because I don't know how often I actually think about God's grace. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, " For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast." So grace is a gift, not something we earned, it is the way we receive salvation, and all of this comes from God! What did I do to deserve this?! The answer is nothing. As humans and especially Americans we have this inert need to earn what we get. That is the American way right? (or at least it used to be...) But with God's grace, nothing we can do will ever begin to earn what He has given us. A woman in our bible study explained it this way:

"You know when you let your child go outside and play and they always end up finding the muddiest messiest place to play. When they come home all dirty they always seem to want a BIG hug from mommy or daddy. As parents it is common to say, wait a minute, hold on, lets get you clean first. God doesn't do that to us. He sees all of our dirt (sin) and He knows all of our mess and He loves us anyway. He gives a giant squeeze and a big fat kiss right where we are dirtiest, and says 'I Love You'."

God gave us the greatest gift of all! Life! Thankfully God's grace doesn't just appear once.

God's grace comes over and over and over again. His grace is seen in the healing of a family member, in the comfort of a friend who has lost a loved one, in the provision for those on hard times. We also see His grace in events that otherwise seem inconsequential. For example:

Yesterday I was out running errands. Just as I was getting ready to get off the Autobahn, I remembered I wanted to check my military mail box. To do so I had to remain on the Autobahn and go a few exits further. So I did. After checking the mail and receiving a fun package (it is always fun to get packages in the mail!) I headed home. Just before getting to my village many of the drivers going in the opposite direction were flashing their lights, (yes, even in Germany this means cops ahead.) so I slowed down. When I got in my village there was a polizei parked perpendicular to the road so that no one could go on, but I could still get to my house. I got inside my house and went to the top floor to see why the road was blocked. All I could see were many flashing blue and red lights ( police and fire) all along the road I would have taken had I gone home without checking the mail. It took 3 hours to clean up whatever accident had occured. Now I am not one to fret about the past, but the thought definitely crossed my mind that if God had not reminded me to check the mail I could have easily been involved in whatever took place. Immediately I thanked and praised God for his provision.

Even though I wasn't aware of it at the time, God was providing His grace and protection to me, even though I did nothing to deserve it.

Happy Father's Day!

To all you Father's out there:

What Makes a Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,

He called it ... Dad

~~Author Unknown.~~


Let us all strive to Men and Women of God by pursuing "righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness," and by "fighting the good fight." 1 Timothy 6:11-12

We are currently deployed here on Earth fighting a spiritual war, but one day we will redeploy to Heaven and experience eternal reintegration with our loving, saving Father. ~Chaplain Marlowe.

Happy Father's Day!!

Remaining Steadfast

Have you ever felt emotionally or even spiritually "blah"? Like you aren't making an impact on people's lives? Like God isn't working in your life or at least you arem't seeing anyone benefit from your actions? You just seem to float through life. Life doesn't have to be routine or even boring to feel this way. It can be stressful and challenging and yet you still feel... blah!

This has been me for the past month. It is one of the reasons I haven't had much to write. I don't feel like God is working much in my life. It isn't that He isn't there. It's that I don't feel Him. I can see how He is providing for me (all the substitutes got a raise!), how He is caring for me (I have great friends to keep me company even when I feel alone) but I don't feel it. I certainly don't feel like I have learned anything new or made any great stride in my relationship with Him. No revelations here. Just plain old daily life, which in my world is not really all that plain.

I've been through times like this before. Everyone has cycles in their relationships. Times when everything is really great, times when things are not great at all, and then times when you are somewhere in the middle. Who knows whether the next step will be up or down? Usually, in my relationship with God, these "dry spells" are preparation for a great conviction in my life. Some unique learning experience or life changing moment. Oh how I looked forward to that day!

Tonight at the hospitality house I attend, we talked about Titus. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying very good attention to the speaker (sorry Brian). My mind was wondering here, there, and the next place, never quite settling on anything specific. Then something caught my attention. Brian talked of remaining steadfast. He was referring to Paul's instructions to Titus; for him to remain steadfast even though the Cretans were well known as liars, and it would be difficult to get through to them. The word steadfast is what really caught me. Steadfast: marked by firm determination or resolution; not shakable. Usually, this word is used in hard times as a way to keep people strong. God used it in a different way in my mind. He reminded me that though I may feel like I am in a spiritual slump, it is all part of His perfect plan for me. He truly has something awesome planned for me, even if I can't see it just yet. I just need to remain steadfast so I can reach the next step, taking it one day at a time.

No Fear

It has been a while since I have had the opportunity to write. My best friend of 13 years was here for the past 2 weeks, and we have had quite an exciting time exploring Europe. We even have the sunburn to prove it! ( I know, hard to imagine finding sun in Europe at this time of year) During one of our many long car trips the topic of fear came up.

As a military wife, fear is at our doorstep on a daily basis, especially when our spouse is deployed. Our spouses have dangerous jobs, no one can deny that. Yet, I live each day knowing that I have no reason to fear. Many question how this is possible. How, when there are so many variables that are out of our control, can I say without a doubt that I am not fearful? My answer is always God. My trust in the Lord is the only reason I can live a life free of fear.

When my husband and I started dating, he asked that I read a book by Chuck Holton titled "Bulletproof." It was not until I read this book that I fully understood a fear free life. I highly recommend this book to anyone struggling with fear in their life. The basic idea of the book can be summed up in a quote from Jim Elliot, the missionary to the Auca Indians killed in 1956. He wrote, "You are immortal until your work is finished." Basically, you and I, my husband, your spouse, your family, we are all bulletproof, immortal, until the day God declares our job finished, our mission complete. This also means that our job, our mission is a lifelong task, not to be completed in an instant, but to last a lifetime, however long that life may be.

Matthew 6:27 says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Psalm 139:16 says, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." No amount of worrying will help our situation, because we do not know our future, but God does. Only God can see what will happen in an hour or a day or 5, 10, 20 years from now. Fear only restricts us. It ties us down, disabling us from the many amazing, inspiring things we can do to brighten someone elses day.

Fear shuts us down, locks the doors, closes the windows, and if we let it, puts us in a straight jacket keeping us from living a full life. Don't let fear get you down. Trust the Lord, and make every day count!


(Shout out to my husband, thank you for the happiest 2 years of my life. Happy Anniversary!)

Sometimes They Just Need a Hug & Communion: Unity of Believers

The past two days were a whirlwind of activity.

Saturday, I spent the day with my high school athletes at a track meet in Mannheim. It was a chilly, rainy day. On days like these its not common for an athlete to perform at their best. Many of my athletes, first-time track athletes at that, were easily frustrated at their inability to perform well. One athlete in particular was extremely hard on herself. As a Senior, she expects to always perform at a certain level, but this meet she couldn't even reach her performance from a year previous. My heart broke for her. As a former athlete, I have been in her shoes. She wants so badly to do well, and yet that day just wasn't her day. After her last event, I went to speak with her. I didn't push her to talk, but just waited to listen. After a minute or so she finally spilled. Everything, all her worries and fears, came rushing out in tears. I immediately gave her a hug. God gave me the exact words she needed to hear. Words of encouragement and reassurance. She started to perk up, and by the end of the meet was back to her normal self.

It gives me such joy to see joy in a child. I think this is the reason I enjoy working with these students so much. The moment that they learn something (especially when you have been teaching it over and over for weeks, anyone who is a teacher or a mother knows what i mean) that moment when it finally clicks, is worth every second it took to teach them. Even if they have some pain and trouble in the process, its worth it in the end. And lets all be honest, all of us have times when we just need a hug.



Today was Communion Sunday at the chapel service I attend. Our Chaplain discussed 1 Corinthians 11:17-29. One thing he said that I found especially interesting, was the definition of Communion: the act or instance of sharing. Our Chaplain described it not only as a time of remembrance, but as a time of sharing with fellow believers. The kind of sharing that unifies us and gives us fellowship. Communion is not only about getting right with God, its about fellowship with other believers on such a level that you feel like a stronger family because of it. Because you all know that you have a hope for the future, and that all of you have this one strengthening bond. The bond that says, " For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes." (1 Corinthians 11: 26) He will return!

Let God Do It

Today was an interesting day. Actually, the first week away really is always the hardest, at least for me. On the positive side, I was able to spend most of the day with my quilting ladies. They truly are such a joy to be with. Always fun and full of laughter! We literally quilted from 10am to 10pm (I know, call us crazy, but we love it!).

In that time I still had track practice with the high schoolers, and dinner at the hospitality house. After dinner we always have a time of worship and then someone either gets into The Word or gives a testimony. This week we heard the testimony of a man who went through a hard time looking for peace. There were so many things he wanted, but he continued to rely on himself to find it. What he finally realized was the only way to have true peace was to let God do for him all those things he needed. When he finally let go, God truly shined through.

Every military spouse knows, there is never enough time before your spouse leaves to finish all the things on "the list." In the last two days, my husband and I found out that his car won't pass inspection until a few things are fixed. Generally, this is a pretty simple solution, unless you know nothing about cars! Also, we will need to either sell or junk my car in the coming months because for us it isn't worth paying the insurance on it anymore. By themselves, these are simple problems with easy solutions, but with the stress of a recent deployment and the compounding of issues they begin to seem like bigger problems. Tonight, I realized (and broke into tears because of the revelation) that I have NOTHING to worry about. I just need to let God do it!

Letting go and letting God can be the hardest thing to do, but the freedom we have after is liberating!